It’s once again been a long time since I’ve written. In the intervening time, I’ve taken a couple of nice trips with Amy (to west Texas and to Washington DC, among other places). my daughter earned her master’s degree and nurse midwife certification and she and her husband gifted us with another grandchild (that makes three for her), and my son continued to tear up the robotics and artificial intelligence world. However, Parkinson’s continues to take a toll on me, both mentally and physically, and I have deteriorated to a significant degree. I walk with a walker in the house, and use a wheelchair everywhere else. My speech has improved somewhat, though, and I have less dyskinesia (wiggling, thrashing movements) due to careful, professional DBS programming. On the whole, I’m doing pretty well, considering that I’m largely housebound and very movement-impaired. I continue to fight with cognitive impairment as well. I am plagued with Parkinson’s apathy, although I’ve largely avoided clinical depression. I now have Type 2 diabetes, so I can’t even use overeating and bingeing on chocolate and ice cream as a way to manage my mood. I think slowly and often get confused, which is torture for me. I still try to engage with he world around me, but my ability to do that well seems to be diminishing a little every day.

I recently had surgery to replace the battery in my DBS system (the implanted electronic system that, along with truly prodigious doses of medication, helps to control my Parkinson’s symptoms), and this time I had a rechargeable battery installed. So now, I spend a few minutes every day hooked up to the power grid. Now power failures and instability in the grid have taken on a whole new significance for me.

The new system has some significant technical improvements which make programming much easier and more effective, and I have a very skilled neurologist who takes advantage of all the new capabilities in the system. Once again, I’m fortunate.

Among other things, I was diagnosed with something called “neurogenic bladder.” I now have a surgically installed appliance called a suprapubic catheter that helps me to pee. It sounds bad until you consider that, without it, I’d have no control over that function at all, and I would be in significant pain. That’s tradeoff that, although its a close thing, I’m willing to make.

I don’t often feel the need to write anymore. I have said a lot about my condition and it doesn’t get any better from here, so it just feels like I’m kicking a dead horse. Also, the apathy that crops up far too often has me saying to myself, “what does it matter?” Occasionally, I remember that I still have things to say, though, and even more occasionally it happens when my hands are working and my mind is sharp enough to put two consecutive thoughts together. So, I’d better take advantage of this happy serendipity when its comes around.

I am frankly horrified by what I see going on in the world around me. It’s no secret that I am not a fan of the current administration, but the sheer malevolence and bad faith that I see displayed in institutions and organizations that should be focused on public service and the “greater good” is astonishing. Leaders should be driven foremost by facts and by reality, not by some corrupted interpretation of reality that fits a twisted mindset.

The latest state-sanctioned killing in Minnesota is a case in point. We can see and hear with our own senses what transpired, but the administration leadership, in an Orwellian attempt to change the truth that is apparent for all to see, have come to conclusions without the burden of facts to support them and are promoting a false and premature version of events that only serves their desired narrative.

The truth is that an armed group of federal law enforcement members acted without apparent restraint or good judgment, and seem to have escalated a tense but not life-threatening situation into the state sanctioned killing of an innocent man. Yes, he was armed – lawfully, and completely within his Constitutional right to be. The video evidence showed that he did not act aggressively toward the agents, did not brandish his weapon, had been disarmed by federal officers and was defenseless on his knees when he was summarily executed with a close-range gunshot, which was followed up by multiple additional gunshots.

The officers responsible for this shooting can be heard on video congratulating themselves before medical assistance was provided to the dying man. In what appears to be a flagrant violation of protocol, they did little to preserve the crime scene, and have apparently mishandled critical evidence in the aftermath.

The leaders of the organizations responsible for oversight and guidance for the team of assailants, Gregory Bovino and Kristi Noem, have made numerous statements unsupported and contradicted by the emerging facts, and have inflamed the situation for their own benefit and to meet the desires and guidance of senior political leaders in the administration, up to and including President Trump. Across the spectrum of leadership at the federal level, there was an immediate rush to judgment and a blatant attempt to characterize the man who was shot as a “domestic terrorist” who was intent on “mass murder of federal law enforcement officials” when the emerging evidence indicates this is just not true. This blatant attempt to control the narrative and inject politically charged content as if it were fact into events surrounding this shooting is unprofessional in the extreme. Beyond that, it reveals an agenda that indicates that truth is less important than control to this administration, and that control is in service to even darker aims.

There could be more facts that emerge from a rigorous investigation of this event by an unbiased source, but where do we find one? The investigation environment is so corrupted at this point that this is not likely to happen, and the involved organizations are focused on brushing the event under the carpet and hoping we’ll just forget. We forget at our peril. If we forget, it will happen again and again until it becomes normal.

In the past, I would be tempted to say “this is not who we are,” but I’m not sure that’s true anymore. This is who we’ve become, through inattention and the willful ignorance and self-serving myopia of the American people. It doesn’t “make America great again” to ignore reason, fairness, and the rule of law in the pursuit of some 1950s-era idealization of a religious dictatorship that ignores what makes us great now – our celebration of all our citizens, not just the ones that happen to look like us.

i know its a word that gets thrown around a lot, and it’s beginning to lose its meaning, but we are dangerously close to descending into fascism. Fascism is defined as:

A system of government marked by centralization of authority under a dictator, a capitalist economy subject to stringent governmental controls, violent suppression of the opposition, and typically a policy of belligerent nationalism and racism.

Does the shoe fit? Do we really want to wear it?

In 1941 through 1945, the United States was instrumental in preventing the world from falling under the sway of a charismatic leader with fascistic characteristics. Have we really forgotten the fundamental characteristics of our democratic republic? And if we have, who will save us from ourselves?

Our elected leaders in Congress seem to be asleep at the switch, on both sides of the aisle. Our Supreme Court has abdicated the responsibility to ensure we are a nation of laws. The checks and balances of our government no longer seem to be working. Where do we turn?

The only resource are have left is ourselves, “we, the people,” but we the people aren’t doing the job either. By some estimates, fully half of our population is just fine with our descent into a Nazi-style dictatorship, as long as their particular slice of bread is being buttered.

I don’t know where we go, but it’s feeling more and more to me that we are surrounded by “enemies, foreign and domestic.” If you haven’t really read the Constitution, maybe you should, at least before the lever gets pushed and America goes down the tubes, never to return again.